Maryland Candidate For Governor Running On Marijuana Legalization Platform

Post - Maryland Democratic gubernatorial hopeful Heather R. Mizeur on Tuesday will propose legalizing marijuana and using the tax revenue it generates to fund pre-kindergarten education, according to an advance copy of her plan.

Mizeur, a Montgomery County delegate who faces Lt. Gov. Anthony G. Brown and Attorney General Douglas F. Gansler in next year’s Democratic primary, proposes that Maryland regulate marijuana much like it does alcohol. She estimates that taxing the drug could yield up to $157.5 million in new revenue for the state each year.

Adults ages 21 and over would be permitted to possess up to an ounce of marijuana without violating state law under Mizeur’s plan, a copy of which was shared with The Washington Post. Smoking marijuana would not be allowed in public, and it would be illegal to drive under the influence.

It’s incredible how weed's public perception has changed so much in the past few years. Growing up, we were basically taught that if you smoked weed you'd fucking die of a heroin overdose. Weed was a fucking epidemic that spread everywhere and had to be stopped. Who can forget when Jonny Dakota tried to bang Kelly Kapowski by getting her high? Just a terrifying episode. Pretty much the realest shit to ever happen at Bayside outside of Jesse Spano getting addicted to caffeine after taking like 3 pills and that duck getting murdered by Zack’s greed. But now, gubernatorial candidates are openly campaigning on marijuana legalization platforms, which I think is a fucking great thing. Of course weed should be legal, who the fuck ever died from smoking pot?  Besides, doesn’t Maryland have more important things to worry about than undercover sting operations looking to bust anyone that buys one of those fucking beef patties at 7-11? You know, like being a perennial contender for murder capital of the World? This chick probably won’t get elected, but at least she’s finally introducing a change that needs to be made.

Local Stallion Accused Of Attempted Rape

Wapo - A stallion was reported to be regularly escaping from his pasture and trying to mate with five horses on another property. An officer issued five citations to the owner in connection with the horse’s unwanted contact ($500 each) and $100 citations in connection with allegedly having a stray horse, damage to a neighbor’s fence and animal trespassing.

These are some pretty fucking serious allegations to just be throwing around. I think we need to step back and do some fact finding about the so-called “victims” before we rush to judgement here.

First off, what kind of saddle was she wearing? Was it just your standard run of the mill saddle or was it all sexy, clearly trying to get attention? 

Did she have on those 80’s workout legwarmer-type socks? If she did, let’s just call a spade a spade here, she was fucking asking for it. You can’t just go prancing around the pasture with those things on without knowing what you’re doing to that fucking stallion. What the fuck is he supposed to do? Just ignore his horse instincts?

 

And what makes the police so sure this was all unwanted? My guess: The stallion found some hot new filly, which pissed off his old fuck buddies’ owner. The owner's horses look like whores for banging this stud so they claim, out of fucking nowhere, that it was unwanted. Meanwhile, all the stallion’s trying to do is get some strange and now he’s labeled some fucking rapist for life. Seems fair. Maybe we should take a look at these fillies' sexual past. I'm sure there's no pattern for random stranger-horse sex whatsoever. Sound like all first timers to me. Wrong place, wrong time.  

Whoever blew the whistle here needs to fucking accept the fact that their horses’ best days are behind them. Instead of dragging this stallion’s name through the mud, they should probably just let their used up horses stud with a donkey so they won’t have to fucking die alone.

Nationals Reportedly In Trade Mix For Max Scherzer or David Price

Fox Sports - The Washington Nationals want to add an elite starting pitcher in a trade, according to major league sources. Rays left-hander David Price is an obvious possibility. But Tigers righty Max Scherzer would be an even better fit.

Think about it:

• Scherzer and Nationals general manager Mike Rizzo have a history — Scherzer was Rizzo’s last first-round pick as Diamondbacks scouting director, going No. 11 in 2006.

• The Nationals are deep in young power arms and veteran late-inning relievers, both of which surely are on Tigers GM David Dombrowski's wish list.

• The price in prospects for Scherzer, a free agent at the end of next season, would be lower than it is for Price, who is under club control for two more years.

• And, finally, the Nats maintain a strong relationship with Scherzer's agent, Scott Boras, and might stand a better chance of signing the pitcher long term than most clubs.

Let just jog our memories as to why the Nationals didn’t make the playoffs last year. Was it because their pitching staff fucking blew? Outside of the prom night dumpster baby abortion that was Dan Haren’s first half, the staff was probably, top to bottom, the best in baseball. The problems were that up until August, the Nats’ starting lineup packed a shittier punch than Braden Holtby, their bench had like 3 guys batting below .150 and outside of Clippard, their pen was inconsistent as fuck. So, first order of business is obviously trading the farm for a Cy Young candidate as our 4^th starter?

I guess you really can’t question Rizzo. He’s been the architect for a team that went from unwatchable to World Series favorite. The problem is, at some point, you’re gonna have to pay all this young talent. Jordan Zimmerman, Strasburg, Harper, Desmond, Clippard, Ramos, and now potentially Price/Scherzer are going to demand huge deals, and even though Lerner is fucking loaded, will he want to pony up a Yankees type salary total number? I don’t really give a fuck what the owner has to pay, especially with no salary cap, but I’m not trying to drop $13 for a fucking warm Miller Lite at Red Porch in two years. Rizzo knows his shit and the World Series window won’t be open forever, so fuck it, if having 4 aces on our staff is what we need to bring a parade to this town, then pull the fucking trigger.

P.S. What the fuck is up with Scherzer's Eyes? What is he the fucking Terminator? That shit is gonna haunt my fucking dreams.

Lindsay Vonn Calls Tiger Woods "Dorky"

Source - Lindsey Vonn had an interesting description of her boyfriend in a sitdown with Katie Couric to air Tuesday.

Couric called Tiger Woods an “enigma” and asked Vonn what he’s like as a person.

“He’s funny,” Vonn said. “He’s really laid back, a great guy, always making jokes, very competitive, just like me. We have very similar personalities. If there’s one thing I can say is he’s funny. He’s goofy, like dorky-goofy

“Haha, you know so funny, likes making jokes, you know, like “I’m gonna tear up your asshole and pee all over your fucking face” jokes. I love how Couric reacts to the fact he’s dorky with girlish surprise. Just come out and say it Katie, “How could a dork fuck all those girls??” Seriously though, how is Tiger an “enigma?” The only thing mysterious thing about him is how he could have seemingly no standards in what he put his dick into.

P.S. Is there anyone out there that actually thinks the Tiger Woods – Lindsay Vonn romance is anything more than just some publicity stunt? Don’t get me wrong - Lindsay Vonn is brilliant for capitalizing on this shit and this is exactly what Tiger needs for people to forget the whole, cheating on his wife 10000000 times thing, but this is the biggest fucking sham since Troy McClure married Selma to convince the press he didn’t fuck fish.

Meadow Soprano and Nationals Farmhand Cutter Dykstra Unveil Their Bastard Child

 

For a guy who spends his days playing in front of crowds of hundreds in Hoodbridge, Cutter Dykstra has hit the fucking jackpot. At one time financial gurus thought his Dad, Lenny, was some sort of a retard-savant stock mogul, however it turned out he was actually just retarded. The messy ordeal stemming from Lenny's financial fraud subsequently bankrupted the family and sent his pops to pound me in the ass prison.  

Even with his family falling apart, things were starting to look up for young Cutter. For whatever reason, Jamie-Lynn Sigler figured it’d be a good idea to start shacking up with a minor league baseball player. So, while all his teammates were grasping at the single Moms working at some Winston-Salem truck stop or negotiating handies from high schoolers at the fucking Woodbridge Denny’s,  Cutter slayed Meadow Soprano. Sure, Cutter likely won’t make it to the show, at least not with the Nationals, but he’s already got his fucking meal ticket punched, so who gives a fuck?

Oh, almost forgot - one more thing. About that meal ticket?  Yeah, it’s already been fucked by these guys:

 

Enjoy the taste of Turtle’s dick for the rest of your life.

 

Dan Snyder Has a Full Sized Redskins Basketball Court at His House

 

Via Bog

 

You just know Snyder put this shit in after watching the Snoop Dogg “Cribs” episode. “Hmmm, what would make me cool like a rapper?? That’s right, a Redskins basketball court!” I’ve seriously got no clue why Daniel Snyder would want to be anywhere near a basketball court, he’s fucking 5’4’’. The only logical explanation I can think of is that he bought out Jean-Ralphio’s Entertainment 720 and Roy Hibbert now lives in his backyard exclusively to boost him up for dunks. Or maybe his late Father used to play hoops, so he’s just hoping he’ll emerge out of the Potomac one night with a bunch of dead former Bullets to play a pick-up game.

 

Regardless of his motives, Daniel Snyder is a fucking piece of shit, and it’s scary that people might be starting to forget this. The most depressing fact of being a Redskins fan is that if the Skins actually ever win it all, the happiest guy in the World will be Dan Snyder. In the meantime, he’ll be in his back yard, desperately running and jumping, until after his 30^th attempt, he lets out a shriek and runs back inside screaming to his wife, “HONEY!! I JUST GOT NET!!!”  

 

Snyder lacing up the kicks just in case he gets to play HORSE with his Dad tonight:

Gilbert Arenas Claims He Earned the Worst Contract of All Time

Bog - Gilbert Arenas was recently asked by TMZ whether his contract was the worst in NBA history. His response surely has Wizards executives choking on their Frosted Mini-Wheats.

“What I did to get the contract was different than what I’ve done since I got the contract,” Arenas said, accurately. “I got hurt before I got the contract and I still got rewarded. So it’s not like I tricked somebody. They knew I was hurt. I didn’t play that year; I played like [13] games the year before my contract and I got the contract anyway, because of what I DID. You get paid on what you did, not what you’re GONNA do. That’s what people don’t understand. You get paid on what you did.”

Would it be so crazy that Gilbert Arenas isn’t the fucking idiot everyone thinks he is? What’s fair is fair – Gilbert did work his fucking ass off to go from being passed over in the ’01 draft in favor of studs like Trenton Hassell, Joseph Forte, and Kirk Haston to legitimately being one of the top players in the league. The sad thing about Arenas’s career is that all everyone is going to remember is bringing guns into the locker room and signing the worst contract in NBA history.

Gilbert’s fucking right though, it’s not his fault Washington gave him a max deal with a shitty knee. But, when it comes down to it, who really gives a fuck if the Wizards paid him too much? The salary’s off the books and nobody goes to the games, so if ticket prices went up, who the fuck would notice? And, honestly, who would you rather have the cash? A guy who entertained the shit out of us for 3+ years or fucking Zach Leonsis so he can impress the money grubbing whores at George by how much he stands to inherit?  

 

Sure Agent Zero’s mentality is exactly why you should never pay someone who overperforms in a contract year, but those years Gilbert dominated were (sadly) the Wizards’ highlight of the past quarter century. If Arenas is still dropping 30 a game when he lays that iron out in front of Javaris Crittenden, do the Wizards even make a big deal about it? Fuck no. Sure he took a dump in Andray Blatche’s shoe, but who the fuck doesn’t want to do that right now? Will he eventually go broke? Most fucking definitely. Remember Gilbert however you want, but the truth is Agent Zero was RG3 before there was an RG3.

Morgan Freeman and Robert DeNiro Prepare to Lose All Dignity as "Last Vegas" Release Date Approaches

If there’s one thing that Hollywood has shown us over the past couple years, it’s that America loves seeing old people act like sex crazed teenagers. What better way to capitalize on this trend than exploiting some of the greatest actors of all time in a Las Vegas boozed up sex romp? I can understand Michael Douglas signing up for this piece of shit, because, let’s be honest, what has he done recently besides getting Cancerlingus? But Morgan Freeman and Robert DeNiro? Are they just so starved to stay in the public eye that they’ll do whatever piece of shit script lands on their agents’ desks?

Shockingly, there are no reviews out there for this movie. That’s likely because the studio realizes every critic is just waiting to shit all over it, so they probably aren’t screening it to anyone, but here’s a prediction of what goes down:

Old men break away from collecting fucking stamps to go to Vegas, all primed to see the Rat Pack perform or some shit, but what’s that? The Rat Pack is dead? My, Vegas sure has changed! So many bright lights! So many fake tits!  Rap music? What’s rap music?? I'm only familiar with Vaudeville! But then they get drunk and finally start to fit in. For whatever reason, probably because she’s a hooker, some young smoke decides to bang one of them, which of course leads to countless Viagra jokes. After several more jokes about heart attacks and social security checks, they eventually realize that even though they’ve been accepted by the city, they are in fact old as shit. Cue some shitty outtakes reel in the credits.

You know how your Grandparents never want you to see them dying in the hospital because they’re scared that’s how you’ll always remember them? Yeah, that’s happening with Morgan Freeman and Robert DeNiro’s film career right now, but clearly they don’t give a shit who sees it. 

Broncos to Pay Homage to Shanahan Before Sunday's Game

Source - Another week, another tribute.

Now it's Mike Shanahan's turn to be honored by his former NFL team.
Denver's coach from 1995-2008, Shanahan has the same role with the Washington Redskins. Shanahan's Redskins play the Broncos on Sunday at Sports Authority Field at Mile High.

The Broncos want to make sure people know they will forever appreciate Shanahan's contributions to the Denver franchise. As the Redskins are introduced as a team for the starting lineups, the Broncos will show a 20-second highlight film of Shanahan's head coaching career in Denver.

There’s seriously more dick sucking going on in the NFL these days than at a truck stop glory hole. What’s the deal with these weekly homages to guys who were unceremoniously booted out of town? Don’t the Broncos remember that Shanahan got fired? Sure he won two rings, but everyone knows he couldn’t win shit without Elway. I hate Philly fans more than anything, but at least they treat players who skipped town like fucking garbage. The only welcome home to the Linc for TO was a sock full of batteries. Isn’t that what Sports are all about? If you’re not with us, you’re fucking against us.

It’s even worse in the MLB. Why the fuck are teams throwing retirement parties for Hall of Famers that spent years dominating them? Oh hey, Mariano Rivera, sure you made us your bitch for the past 15 years, but let’s just bury the hatchet with this sand sculpture of your face!

Twenty or thirty years ago, opposing players used to straight up hate each other. Now, when KG and Paul Pierce give Ray Allen shit for jumping to their biggest rival, it’s the top story on PTI for three weeks. Honestly, I realize all these fluff pieces for returning players/coaches are about sportsmanship, but who really gives a fuck about that. Fans aren’t paying $100/ticket to see players act like good sports. We want blood. Save your sportsmanship for the fucking T-Ball Field.

Clarendon Women Force Man to Masturbate in Public

 

 

 

 

INDECENT EXPOSURE, 10/10/13, 2700 block of N. Clarendon Boulevard. On October 10 at 7:07pm, a victim reported a suspect masturbating outside of a hair salon. The suspect is described as a white male, between 45 and 55 years of age, approximately 5’7” and about 150 pounds. The suspect had shoulder length brown hair, but was bald on the top of his head. At the time of the incident, he was wearing blue jeans, brown boots, a black belt, and a green jacket.

 

So, shoulder length hair, but bald on the top of his head, huh? How am I not surprised that he was caught yanking his chain in public? But Clarendon? Bold move. For those of you that don’t know, Clarendon is the richest part of Arlington, where somehow they’ve been able to get rid of all the homeless people, so us rich White kids don’t have to be reminded that there’s more to the World than being rich and White. Unfortunately, sometimes fucking outsiders get in. Honestly I’m surprised there’s not some form of Brocial Profiling going on in Clarendon where if you’re not wearing a pastel Polo/Brooks Brothers shirt and brown flip flops you’re sent back over the border to South Arlington aka Mex-ington where you fucking  belong.

Since I’m obviously Rich and White and Tall, unlike this fucking 5’7’’ tadpole, I have no fucking clue what’s going through this guy’s mind, but I can only imagine he’s looking for a thrill? You know, the whole “staring at girls on the Metro then running to the nearest bush” wasn’t doing it for him anymore? Maybe he’s got some sort of sick hair fetish, but if that’s the case, wouldn’t he be caught sifting through the salon dumpster? Don’t get me wrong there are plenty of hot chicks roaming Clarendon Boulevard, but get some fucking tact, bro. If you’re gonna jerk it to some girl getting her hair done, at least cut your fucking rape-locks.



Former Hoya/Current Pirate Victor Page In Prison for 10 Years (Not Pictured: John Thompson)

Washington Times - Last month, a Prince George’s County Circuit Court judge sentenced Page to 10 years in jail after he pleaded guilty to second-degree assault. Page had been out of jail less than a month on unrelated charges when three Prince George’s County Sheriff’s deputies were summoned to a Forestville apartment at 1:03 a.m. on Feb. 8.

“The suspect jumped out of bed, pulled the victim’s hair tearing it from the scalp,” the statement of probable cause read. “He then dragged her to the bathroom, throwing her into the tub and running hot water on her while punching the victim repeatedly in the face.”

The statement continued: “The suspect then ran into the kitchen and grabbed a knife and stabbed the victim on her right hand and right thigh. The victim then ran outside as the suspect chased her with the knife and stated he was going to kill her.”

But trouble of every variety has been Page’s companion since he starred at McKinley Tech High School, from the laundry list of charges covering everything from cocaine to theft to the unlawful use of a livestock vehicle to the gunshot two days before Thanksgiving in 2003 that took his right eye.

Over the last three and a half years, Page has been charged with 33 crimes in Maryland and the District. He’s been found guilty of (or pleaded guilty to) six of them, including two second-degree assaults, a fourth-degree sexual offense, unlawful entry, fourth-degree burglary and possession of marijuana.

Georgetown fans might remember Victor Page from back in the Iverson days as the high scoring guard who was a bigger gunner than Aaron Hernandez on PCP. Well, much like AI, looks like life in his late 30’s are not treating Victor all that well.  After leaving Georgetown early only to be undrafted and spending years in the CBA, he’s decided to pursue other ventures, you know, normal post basketball moves, like losing a fucking eye in a Thanksgiving gun fight. While Iverson has testified in his child support hearings that he’s so broke that he doesn’t even have enough money to buy a fucking cheeseburger, and Victor is swabbing the prison decks like fucking Blackbeard’s Cabin Boy, where the fuck is John Thompson?

Back in the mid-90’s after the Georgetown program had struggled to make Final Four runs even with Who Wants to Sex Mutombo and Alonzo Mourning, so Thompson decided to follow Bob Huggins’ lead at Cincinnati and brought in troubled kids with incredible talent, but after spending 2 years at Hilltop, they fucking bolted to the League. Now I know Big John and AI continued to have a relationship, of course he would - he’s one of the greatest players in the past 25 years. If Big John loves all his kids the same, where the fuck was he when Victor Page was sleeping on the street? Could it be that the whole Father/Mentor thing he preached was just a bunch of bullshit to, oh I don’t know, win fucking basketball games? Now I know that John Thompson has done a lot of good, and I’m sure along the way he’s tried to help Victor Page, but seriously, how the fuck can you turn your back on one of your players like this? What kind of Coach/Mentor has two of his kids end up like Iverson and Victor Page? Both flat out broke, one in prison and the other likely headed that way. Honestly, both these guys will be lucky to be alive in 10 years and who will likely be front and center talking about how he did everything he did to help them? John Fucking Thompson.

Does This Look Like A Phi Beta Kappa Georgetown/Berkeley Student That Paid For Law School By Selling Meth?

Washington Post He was Phi Beta Kappa at Georgetown, a top economics student and an award-winning debater. He won a scholarship to study at the University of California, Berkeley and returned to Washington for law school, dazzling professors and helping inmates at the D.C. jail.

But Marc Gersen was leading a second, secret life that his teachers and old friends knew nothing about. He was selling methamphetamine through a sophisticated social-networking scheme, putting a future of great promise at risk.

Gersen, 31, was sentenced in federal court Thursday to four years in prison after pleading guilty to selling wholesale quantities of methamphetamine. But the punishment for his role in a drug ring that has led to the prosecution of at least three other people will last much longer for a young man who once dreamed of becoming a public defender.

Gersen has been locked up in the D.C. jail since his arrest more than a year ago outside a boutique hotel in Northwest Washington. At the time, he was a Georgetown second-year law student with a 3.48 grade-point average and an apartment in Dupont Circle. But he was also struggling with an addiction to the drug he was selling.

When this story initially broke, everyone and their fucking mother was screaming, “OH MY GOD, THIS IS JUST LIKE BREAKING BAD!!” They then berated everyone who responded that they hadn’t seen the show before. Then they talked about how “The Wire” is the only show that’s better than “Breaking Bad” and how it's such an accurate portrayal of the streets, forgetting that they’ve only ever had one Black friend their entire life and his Dad is a lawyer. But seriously since, the dawn of “Breaking Bad,” there’s got to be so many fucking Chemistry nerds saying to themselves, “If the Dad from Malcom and the Middle can do it, then why the fuck can’t we??” You know when Marc Gersen was “helping inmates at the D.C. jail” he was just getting connections to the drug world like Walter did with Jesse. But it looks like the DC Heisenberg fucked this shit up because he disobeyed Fring’s rule of never employing a user (in this case, himself). Or maybe he just never made it to season 2? HE FUCKING SHOULD HAVE!! BEST SHOW EVER!!!

Even With His Chiseled Abs and Stunning Features, Caleb Moore Dies in Freak Freestyle Snowmobile Backflip Accident

ESPN DENVER -- Caleb Moore, an innovative freestyle snowmobile rider who was hurt in a crash at the Winter X Games in Colorado, died Thursday morning. He was 25.

Moore was being treated at a hospital in Grand Junction since the Jan. 24 crash. Family spokeswoman Chelsea Lawson confirmed his death, the first in the 18-year history of the X Games, which are produced by ESPN.

"He lived his life to the fullest. He was an inspiration," Lawson said.

A former all-terrain vehicle racer, Moore switched over to snowmobiles as a teenager and quickly rose to the top of the sport. He won four Winter X Games medals, including a bronze last season when his younger brother, Colten, captured gold.

Caleb Moore was attempting a backflip in the freestyle event in Aspen when the skis on his 450-pound snowmobile caught the lip of the landing area, sending him flying over the handlebars. Moore landed face first into the snow with his snowmobile rolling over him.

Moore stayed down for quite some time, before walking off with help and going to a hospital to treat a concussion. Moore developed bleeding around his heart and was flown to a hospital in Grand Junction for surgery. The family later said that Moore, of Krum, Texas, also had a complication involving his brain.

Colten Moore was injured in a separate crash that same night. He suffered a separated pelvis in the spill.

The family said in a statement they were grateful for all the prayers and support they have received from people around the world.

 

Honestly, I feel bad for his family. I can’t imagine losing your son at such a young age, but come on, “prayers and support from people around the world?” HE WAS A FREESTYLE SNOWMOBILE RIDER!! What the fuck do you expect is going to happen when you’re doing fucking backflips and tricks and shit while a 450 lb machine meant to trek up a fucking mountain is flying in the air with you? Do you know how many people died of cancer yesterday? A fucking shitload! And people around the World are sending their thoughts and prayers to someone who, in their family spokesperson’s words, “lived his life to the fullest,” and was “an inspiration?” Fuck that, I would argue that he lived without any regard whatsoever for his own life. Again, HE WAS DOING BACKFLIPS IN A FUCKING SNOWMOBILE!! And who the fuck did he inspire? Dumb kids across the country to get killed doing flips with their parents’ snowmobiles? Yeah, it’s really shitty that this kid died, but don’t make him out to be some fucking hero.

Dan Snyder Reminds Redskins Fans That He’s The Anti-Christ, Raises 2013 Ticket Prices

 

Washington Post Apparently cashing in on the success of their first playoff appearance since 2007, the Washington Redskins announced Thursday that they are increasing the cost of tickets and parking at FedEx Field for 2013.

The price increase of general admission seats, which the team reports is “no more than 10 percent,” is the first in seven years for the Redskins. The cost of parking will increase to $40. The price of reserved spaces, and spots for buses, RVs and limos remains unchanged for the 2013 season.

Last season, an upper deck ticket cost $64. According to a team marketing report conducted by FanCostExperience.com, the average Redskins ticket in 2012 cost $79.13, which ranked 11th in the NFL and third in the NFC, behind the Giants ($111.69) and Cowboys ($110.20).

The Redskins announced that even with the increase, their tickets will “remain among the most affordable in the NFC East.” The Redskins are one of four teams in the division.

I should have known better. For the past few years, Daniel Snyder has shut the fuck up and stayed out of the spotlight so that actual adults could run the Redskins. For years Snyder and Vinny Cerrato treated free agency like a fucking 6^th grade girls sleepover. Once March 1^st rolled around they’d call up all the boys they liked and asked if they “liked them back” aka offered them ungodly amounts of money. Now, fucking Skybox Napoleon wants Redskins fans to know who they’re really cheering for when they throw on that RG3 jersey.

Snyder tries hard to say he’s a diehard Redskins fan and will do whatever it takes just to see them win a Super Bowl, but it’s all bullshit. The NFL is a business and Snyder is a great fucking business man. Don’t let that $40 parking fool you. That’s for the cheapest spots a mile away from the stadium. Want a good one? At least $100. Snyder isn’t adjusting prices for inflation, he’s penalizing us for being born as Redskins fans.  But still, tickets “remain among the most affordable in the NFC East.” Meanwhile Daniel Snyder remains among the biggest douchebag owners in all of Sports.   

The Game Says No Rappers Would Ever Do Battle With Eminem, Possibly Because They All Went To Cranbrook

Dave Chappelle put it best in “Killin’ Them Softly” with his whole, “You never want to fuck with the White Guy in a Gang” bit, and Eminem’s rise to the top of the rap World is no different. Sure there were White rappers before him, but do you think a Black guy ever saw fucking Vanilla Ice rap and said to himself, “WHITE BOY GOT SKILLS!!” Fuck no. I feel like Game’s talking more about how Eminem can absolutely SLAY in rap battles and I’m pretty sure that’s what “8 Mile” was trying to portray, but that had to be the PG version of his attacks.

 

What could be so fucking terrifying about going to battle with Eminem that nobody dares cross that path. I mean, some rappers have fucking KILLED people, but GOD FORBID YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT SHADY, HE’LL TELL EVERYONE YOU HAVE TWO PARENTS!! Maybe Game’s just referring to the fact that Kim cheated on him that one time and he’s made it his life’s work to tell her he hates her in EVERY fucking rap he makes.

When That Spring Break Facebook Album Just Won't Do The Trick

Buzzfeed: "Bang With Friends" is a new Facebook app that says it helps you "anonymously find friends who are down for the night." But as you might expect of a Facebook app, it's not all that anonymous.

When you log into the app — which is currently down, either overloaded by legions of DTF Facebook users, testers, or both — you'll see a screen filled with your Facebook friends of the opposite sex. (The faces you'll see certainly aren't chosen for compatibility or even availability — included in my choices are coworkers, gay guys, married folks, and, in a particularly gross oversight, my little brother.) The app appears to be designed for exclusively heterosexual pairings. It only — apparently mistakenly — shows same-sex Facebook friends who don't have their sex listed on their profiles. This is true regardless of how your sexual orientation is listed, or whether it's listed at all.

I love where we’re heading as a society. Yeah, sure this is just one step below Adult Friend Finder, but there’s a certain level of comfort in knowing that it’s the fat bitch from your Government study group your sophomore year in College that wants to bang you and not some fucking Serial Killer who’s probably a guy. Sure this would take out all the fucking guesswork/dating/general waste of time involved in every hookup, but who’s actually signing up for this?

Apparently people are joining at an early facebook-like clip, but for every actual hot girl looking to bang, there’s gotta be like 1000 guys. What motivation would hot girls even have to join this shit? I mean, fuck, most of them don’t even make their bikini pics public! Don’t they realize all they need to tell the guy they want to bang, “Let’s Bang!” and it’s a fucking done deal. Usually the only reason hot girls don’t act like that is because it would mean the guy wouldn’t be interested in making her their girlfriend, but it’s not like “Bang With Friends” is gonna  end in some fucking Happily Ever After Fairy Tale ending. Sure “Bang With Friends” is getting a shitload of new users, but let’s be honest, the only people who this is gonna help out are 3’s with no self-esteem just looking to see if any of her Facebook friends are willing to go dumpster diving.

Fred Smoot Getting Divorced - Time For The Love Boat's Next Run

Washington Post: Divorcing: Fred Smoot, 33, and Summer Joy Hughes-Smoot, 35. The former Redskins cornerback wed the South Carolina-bred finance attorney in September 2009, while he was still playing in Washington. He was released from the team the following spring and has since made forays into business and sportscasting. Court records in Fulton County, Ga., where they made their home, indicate they filed divorce papers in the fall. They have one daughter together, his lawyer said. Rough times for Smoot: Washingtonian reported last week that he was arrested for alleged DWI on Capitol Hill Dec. 30.

Who can forget that lovely dinner cruise he orchestrated in Minnesota that started as a teammate bonding experience and ended with a reenactment of Jennifer Connelly’s final scene in “Requiem for a Dream.” Smoot seemed to clean up his act until last week where he was pulled over for DUI and reportedly pissed himself in the police station, which apparently was the final straw for Mrs. Smoot.

 I always wonder why the fuck athletes get married young, when they’re always just gonna cheat on their wives and ultimately get divorced and have to shell out half of all their cash/rims. Is it so they can have kids? Fuck that, athletes are good as shit at having kids without being married. Maybe because they just want to settle down? There’s no fucking way that they can be “settle” when they spend half their life on the road with fucking groupies looking to bang you just for the story. Whatever the case, hopefully Smoot can save some of that cash from the divorce for a nice celebratory release in to the wild Potomac River Dinner Cruise/Live Sex Show once that shit goes through.

An Entourage Movie?? I Was Hoping the Fade to Black After the Finale Meant They All Died

Deadline: Aquaman star Vinnie Chase is back, baby. Warner Bros has tonight given the green light on a movie version of Entourage, the HBO series that ran from 2004-2011. That gives a reprise for the inside Hollywood exploits of the up and coming film star, his manager and agent, his under-appreciated TV actor brother and the childhood pal/driver who form his inner circle.

The film will be directed by series creator Doug Ellin, who wrote the screenplay and who exec produced the series with Mark Wahlberg and Stephen Levinson. Deals are starting to be made with Adrian Grenier, who played Chase, Kevin Connolly, who played his manager Eric “E” Murphy, Kevin Dillon, who played the actor’s brother Johnny Drama, Jerry Ferrara, who played their entrepreneurial driver Turtle, and Jeremy Piven, who played the show’s iconic type A talent agent Ari Gold. I’m sure Drama’s agent Lloyd (Rex Lee), E’s girl Sloan (Emmanuelle Chriqui), his management partner Scott (Scott Caan), and their quirky director collaborator Billy Walsh (Rhys Coiro) and Ari’s agency partner Barbara Miller (Beverly D’Angelo) will all be in the mix, along with a swarm of real Hollywood talent, playing themselves.

I remember when I actually liked Entourage. I got hooked early and instead of just abandoning ship when I should have when Vince jumped the shark in Pablo Escobar’s fat suit, I kept coming back for more. But what did they reward my loyalty with? Pointless Athlete cameos (FUCKING RYAN HOWARD??), nausea inducing porn star bush shots, an entire season devoted to promoting some shitty Tequila and a finale that was more unbelievable than E actually pulling ass.

Who the fuck is calling for this movie to be made? Is Mark Wahlberg’s self-esteem really that low  that he’s scared when he tells some 21 year old girl he’s hitting on that Entourage is based on his life that she’s not gonna know what it is? What other explanation could there be. Now I realize HBO made two Sex and the City movies, but that’s just because girls who will probably be single forever “by choice” aka because they’re ugly like to think it’s “cool” to slut it up in their late 50’s.  Sure, if this was back in 2007, I would have been lining up to see what type of “swarm of real Hollywood talent (as opposed to the shitty actors in the actual movie), playing themselves” Doug Ellin has in store for us. Instead, I’ll just wait until it comes out on HBO so I can talk  about how shitty it is probably is for another year. 

Gio Gonzalez: Cheater With Natitude

 

 

Washington Times The Miami New Times has posted images of the documents they obtained from the Biogenisis anti-aging clinic in Miami that were used as the basis of their story that linked Gio Gonzalez, among other baseball stars, to the facility and suspicions of performance-enhancing drug use.

The images show the five mentions of Gonzalez's name, sometimes written as simply "Gio" in what they believe is the personal notebooks of Biogenisis owner, Anthony Bosch. It is unclear, however, what exactly Gonzalez is being linked to in the various notations. He is most often listed in conjunction with his father, Max, who has admitted to becoming a patient of Bosch's in an effort to lose weight.

One of the entries simply listed Gonzalez's name and his occupation "(pitcher)" and another listed a collection of statistics, presumably Gonzalez's from some point, on the same page as what appears to be a long list of ingredients for "Pink cream." The items listed on the page that the Miami New Times included in their initial story on Tuesday, ZINC, MIC (believed to be Methionine Inositol Choline) and AminoRip, do not appear on Major League Baseball's list of banned substances.

Of course. Just days after all those Sabermetric freaks predicted Nationals over 110 wins the shit has hit the fan. I’ll admit I had no fucking clue who Gio Gonzalez was before the Nats traded 4 of their top prospects for him last year, but his Cy Young worthy performance was the main reason why Drew Storen was able to break our fucking hearts last October. While potentially losing Gonzalez for 50 games would by no means diagnose the Nats 2013 with ALS, they definitely won’t be fucking blocking punts on Monday Night Football. And what if he comes back off the juice and he fucking blows? Honestly, how many people are actually mentioned in banned substance-use allegations that actually didn’t do it? It’s not like this is some Salem Witch trial where Gio’s douchebag haircut means he’s clearly guilty and deserves to be burned at the stake - we’re actually dealing with, in the words of Lois Einhorn, “that little thing lawyers call EVIDENCE.”  Rizzo needs to get the fucking Wolf from Pulp Fiction clean this shit up.