Maryland Candidate For Governor Running On Marijuana Legalization Platform

Post - Maryland Democratic gubernatorial hopeful Heather R. Mizeur on Tuesday will propose legalizing marijuana and using the tax revenue it generates to fund pre-kindergarten education, according to an advance copy of her plan.

Mizeur, a Montgomery County delegate who faces Lt. Gov. Anthony G. Brown and Attorney General Douglas F. Gansler in next year’s Democratic primary, proposes that Maryland regulate marijuana much like it does alcohol. She estimates that taxing the drug could yield up to $157.5 million in new revenue for the state each year.

Adults ages 21 and over would be permitted to possess up to an ounce of marijuana without violating state law under Mizeur’s plan, a copy of which was shared with The Washington Post. Smoking marijuana would not be allowed in public, and it would be illegal to drive under the influence.

It’s incredible how weed's public perception has changed so much in the past few years. Growing up, we were basically taught that if you smoked weed you'd fucking die of a heroin overdose. Weed was a fucking epidemic that spread everywhere and had to be stopped. Who can forget when Jonny Dakota tried to bang Kelly Kapowski by getting her high? Just a terrifying episode. Pretty much the realest shit to ever happen at Bayside outside of Jesse Spano getting addicted to caffeine after taking like 3 pills and that duck getting murdered by Zack’s greed. But now, gubernatorial candidates are openly campaigning on marijuana legalization platforms, which I think is a fucking great thing. Of course weed should be legal, who the fuck ever died from smoking pot?  Besides, doesn’t Maryland have more important things to worry about than undercover sting operations looking to bust anyone that buys one of those fucking beef patties at 7-11? You know, like being a perennial contender for murder capital of the World? This chick probably won’t get elected, but at least she’s finally introducing a change that needs to be made.

Local Stallion Accused Of Attempted Rape

Wapo - A stallion was reported to be regularly escaping from his pasture and trying to mate with five horses on another property. An officer issued five citations to the owner in connection with the horse’s unwanted contact ($500 each) and $100 citations in connection with allegedly having a stray horse, damage to a neighbor’s fence and animal trespassing.

These are some pretty fucking serious allegations to just be throwing around. I think we need to step back and do some fact finding about the so-called “victims” before we rush to judgement here.

First off, what kind of saddle was she wearing? Was it just your standard run of the mill saddle or was it all sexy, clearly trying to get attention? 

Did she have on those 80’s workout legwarmer-type socks? If she did, let’s just call a spade a spade here, she was fucking asking for it. You can’t just go prancing around the pasture with those things on without knowing what you’re doing to that fucking stallion. What the fuck is he supposed to do? Just ignore his horse instincts?

 

And what makes the police so sure this was all unwanted? My guess: The stallion found some hot new filly, which pissed off his old fuck buddies’ owner. The owner's horses look like whores for banging this stud so they claim, out of fucking nowhere, that it was unwanted. Meanwhile, all the stallion’s trying to do is get some strange and now he’s labeled some fucking rapist for life. Seems fair. Maybe we should take a look at these fillies' sexual past. I'm sure there's no pattern for random stranger-horse sex whatsoever. Sound like all first timers to me. Wrong place, wrong time.  

Whoever blew the whistle here needs to fucking accept the fact that their horses’ best days are behind them. Instead of dragging this stallion’s name through the mud, they should probably just let their used up horses stud with a donkey so they won’t have to fucking die alone.

Nationals Reportedly In Trade Mix For Max Scherzer or David Price

Fox Sports - The Washington Nationals want to add an elite starting pitcher in a trade, according to major league sources. Rays left-hander David Price is an obvious possibility. But Tigers righty Max Scherzer would be an even better fit.

Think about it:

• Scherzer and Nationals general manager Mike Rizzo have a history — Scherzer was Rizzo’s last first-round pick as Diamondbacks scouting director, going No. 11 in 2006.

• The Nationals are deep in young power arms and veteran late-inning relievers, both of which surely are on Tigers GM David Dombrowski's wish list.

• The price in prospects for Scherzer, a free agent at the end of next season, would be lower than it is for Price, who is under club control for two more years.

• And, finally, the Nats maintain a strong relationship with Scherzer's agent, Scott Boras, and might stand a better chance of signing the pitcher long term than most clubs.

Let just jog our memories as to why the Nationals didn’t make the playoffs last year. Was it because their pitching staff fucking blew? Outside of the prom night dumpster baby abortion that was Dan Haren’s first half, the staff was probably, top to bottom, the best in baseball. The problems were that up until August, the Nats’ starting lineup packed a shittier punch than Braden Holtby, their bench had like 3 guys batting below .150 and outside of Clippard, their pen was inconsistent as fuck. So, first order of business is obviously trading the farm for a Cy Young candidate as our 4^th starter?

I guess you really can’t question Rizzo. He’s been the architect for a team that went from unwatchable to World Series favorite. The problem is, at some point, you’re gonna have to pay all this young talent. Jordan Zimmerman, Strasburg, Harper, Desmond, Clippard, Ramos, and now potentially Price/Scherzer are going to demand huge deals, and even though Lerner is fucking loaded, will he want to pony up a Yankees type salary total number? I don’t really give a fuck what the owner has to pay, especially with no salary cap, but I’m not trying to drop $13 for a fucking warm Miller Lite at Red Porch in two years. Rizzo knows his shit and the World Series window won’t be open forever, so fuck it, if having 4 aces on our staff is what we need to bring a parade to this town, then pull the fucking trigger.

P.S. What the fuck is up with Scherzer's Eyes? What is he the fucking Terminator? That shit is gonna haunt my fucking dreams.

Lindsay Vonn Calls Tiger Woods "Dorky"

Source - Lindsey Vonn had an interesting description of her boyfriend in a sitdown with Katie Couric to air Tuesday.

Couric called Tiger Woods an “enigma” and asked Vonn what he’s like as a person.

“He’s funny,” Vonn said. “He’s really laid back, a great guy, always making jokes, very competitive, just like me. We have very similar personalities. If there’s one thing I can say is he’s funny. He’s goofy, like dorky-goofy

“Haha, you know so funny, likes making jokes, you know, like “I’m gonna tear up your asshole and pee all over your fucking face” jokes. I love how Couric reacts to the fact he’s dorky with girlish surprise. Just come out and say it Katie, “How could a dork fuck all those girls??” Seriously though, how is Tiger an “enigma?” The only thing mysterious thing about him is how he could have seemingly no standards in what he put his dick into.

P.S. Is there anyone out there that actually thinks the Tiger Woods – Lindsay Vonn romance is anything more than just some publicity stunt? Don’t get me wrong - Lindsay Vonn is brilliant for capitalizing on this shit and this is exactly what Tiger needs for people to forget the whole, cheating on his wife 10000000 times thing, but this is the biggest fucking sham since Troy McClure married Selma to convince the press he didn’t fuck fish.

Meadow Soprano and Nationals Farmhand Cutter Dykstra Unveil Their Bastard Child

 

For a guy who spends his days playing in front of crowds of hundreds in Hoodbridge, Cutter Dykstra has hit the fucking jackpot. At one time financial gurus thought his Dad, Lenny, was some sort of a retard-savant stock mogul, however it turned out he was actually just retarded. The messy ordeal stemming from Lenny's financial fraud subsequently bankrupted the family and sent his pops to pound me in the ass prison.  

Even with his family falling apart, things were starting to look up for young Cutter. For whatever reason, Jamie-Lynn Sigler figured it’d be a good idea to start shacking up with a minor league baseball player. So, while all his teammates were grasping at the single Moms working at some Winston-Salem truck stop or negotiating handies from high schoolers at the fucking Woodbridge Denny’s,  Cutter slayed Meadow Soprano. Sure, Cutter likely won’t make it to the show, at least not with the Nationals, but he’s already got his fucking meal ticket punched, so who gives a fuck?

Oh, almost forgot - one more thing. About that meal ticket?  Yeah, it’s already been fucked by these guys:

 

Enjoy the taste of Turtle’s dick for the rest of your life.

 

Dan Snyder Has a Full Sized Redskins Basketball Court at His House

 

Via Bog

 

You just know Snyder put this shit in after watching the Snoop Dogg “Cribs” episode. “Hmmm, what would make me cool like a rapper?? That’s right, a Redskins basketball court!” I’ve seriously got no clue why Daniel Snyder would want to be anywhere near a basketball court, he’s fucking 5’4’’. The only logical explanation I can think of is that he bought out Jean-Ralphio’s Entertainment 720 and Roy Hibbert now lives in his backyard exclusively to boost him up for dunks. Or maybe his late Father used to play hoops, so he’s just hoping he’ll emerge out of the Potomac one night with a bunch of dead former Bullets to play a pick-up game.

 

Regardless of his motives, Daniel Snyder is a fucking piece of shit, and it’s scary that people might be starting to forget this. The most depressing fact of being a Redskins fan is that if the Skins actually ever win it all, the happiest guy in the World will be Dan Snyder. In the meantime, he’ll be in his back yard, desperately running and jumping, until after his 30^th attempt, he lets out a shriek and runs back inside screaming to his wife, “HONEY!! I JUST GOT NET!!!”  

 

Snyder lacing up the kicks just in case he gets to play HORSE with his Dad tonight:

Gilbert Arenas Claims He Earned the Worst Contract of All Time

Bog - Gilbert Arenas was recently asked by TMZ whether his contract was the worst in NBA history. His response surely has Wizards executives choking on their Frosted Mini-Wheats.

“What I did to get the contract was different than what I’ve done since I got the contract,” Arenas said, accurately. “I got hurt before I got the contract and I still got rewarded. So it’s not like I tricked somebody. They knew I was hurt. I didn’t play that year; I played like [13] games the year before my contract and I got the contract anyway, because of what I DID. You get paid on what you did, not what you’re GONNA do. That’s what people don’t understand. You get paid on what you did.”

Would it be so crazy that Gilbert Arenas isn’t the fucking idiot everyone thinks he is? What’s fair is fair – Gilbert did work his fucking ass off to go from being passed over in the ’01 draft in favor of studs like Trenton Hassell, Joseph Forte, and Kirk Haston to legitimately being one of the top players in the league. The sad thing about Arenas’s career is that all everyone is going to remember is bringing guns into the locker room and signing the worst contract in NBA history.

Gilbert’s fucking right though, it’s not his fault Washington gave him a max deal with a shitty knee. But, when it comes down to it, who really gives a fuck if the Wizards paid him too much? The salary’s off the books and nobody goes to the games, so if ticket prices went up, who the fuck would notice? And, honestly, who would you rather have the cash? A guy who entertained the shit out of us for 3+ years or fucking Zach Leonsis so he can impress the money grubbing whores at George by how much he stands to inherit?  

 

Sure Agent Zero’s mentality is exactly why you should never pay someone who overperforms in a contract year, but those years Gilbert dominated were (sadly) the Wizards’ highlight of the past quarter century. If Arenas is still dropping 30 a game when he lays that iron out in front of Javaris Crittenden, do the Wizards even make a big deal about it? Fuck no. Sure he took a dump in Andray Blatche’s shoe, but who the fuck doesn’t want to do that right now? Will he eventually go broke? Most fucking definitely. Remember Gilbert however you want, but the truth is Agent Zero was RG3 before there was an RG3.