When That Spring Break Facebook Album Just Won't Do The Trick

Buzzfeed: "Bang With Friends" is a new Facebook app that says it helps you "anonymously find friends who are down for the night." But as you might expect of a Facebook app, it's not all that anonymous.

When you log into the app — which is currently down, either overloaded by legions of DTF Facebook users, testers, or both — you'll see a screen filled with your Facebook friends of the opposite sex. (The faces you'll see certainly aren't chosen for compatibility or even availability — included in my choices are coworkers, gay guys, married folks, and, in a particularly gross oversight, my little brother.) The app appears to be designed for exclusively heterosexual pairings. It only — apparently mistakenly — shows same-sex Facebook friends who don't have their sex listed on their profiles. This is true regardless of how your sexual orientation is listed, or whether it's listed at all.

I love where we’re heading as a society. Yeah, sure this is just one step below Adult Friend Finder, but there’s a certain level of comfort in knowing that it’s the fat bitch from your Government study group your sophomore year in College that wants to bang you and not some fucking Serial Killer who’s probably a guy. Sure this would take out all the fucking guesswork/dating/general waste of time involved in every hookup, but who’s actually signing up for this?

Apparently people are joining at an early facebook-like clip, but for every actual hot girl looking to bang, there’s gotta be like 1000 guys. What motivation would hot girls even have to join this shit? I mean, fuck, most of them don’t even make their bikini pics public! Don’t they realize all they need to tell the guy they want to bang, “Let’s Bang!” and it’s a fucking done deal. Usually the only reason hot girls don’t act like that is because it would mean the guy wouldn’t be interested in making her their girlfriend, but it’s not like “Bang With Friends” is gonna  end in some fucking Happily Ever After Fairy Tale ending. Sure “Bang With Friends” is getting a shitload of new users, but let’s be honest, the only people who this is gonna help out are 3’s with no self-esteem just looking to see if any of her Facebook friends are willing to go dumpster diving.