If there’s one thing that Hollywood has shown us over the
past couple years, it’s that America loves seeing old people act like sex
crazed teenagers. What better way to capitalize on this trend than exploiting
some of the greatest actors of all time in a Las Vegas boozed up sex romp? I
can understand Michael Douglas signing up for this piece of shit, because,
let’s be honest, what has he done recently besides getting Cancerlingus? But
Morgan Freeman and Robert DeNiro? Are they just so starved to stay in the
public eye that they’ll do whatever piece of shit script lands on their agents’
desks?
Shockingly, there are no reviews out there for this
movie. That’s likely because the studio realizes every critic is just waiting
to shit all over it, so they probably aren’t screening it to anyone, but here’s
a prediction of what goes down:
Old men break away from collecting fucking stamps to go
to Vegas, all primed to see the Rat Pack perform or some shit, but what’s that?
The Rat Pack is dead? My, Vegas sure has changed! So many bright lights! So
many fake tits! Rap music? What’s rap
music?? I'm only familiar with Vaudeville! But then they get drunk and finally
start to fit in. For whatever reason, probably because she’s a hooker, some
young smoke decides to bang one of them, which of course leads to countless
Viagra jokes. After several more jokes about heart attacks and social security
checks, they eventually realize that even though they’ve been accepted by the
city, they are in fact old as shit. Cue some shitty outtakes reel in the
credits.
You know how your Grandparents never want you to see them
dying in the hospital because they’re scared that’s how you’ll always remember
them? Yeah, that’s happening with Morgan Freeman and Robert DeNiro’s film
career right now, but clearly they don’t give a shit who sees it.
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