INDECENT EXPOSURE, 10/10/13, 2700 block of N. Clarendon Boulevard. On October 10 at 7:07pm, a victim reported a suspect masturbating outside of a hair salon. The suspect is described as a white male, between 45 and 55 years of age, approximately 5’7” and about 150 pounds. The suspect had shoulder length brown hair, but was bald on the top of his head. At the time of the incident, he was wearing blue jeans, brown boots, a black belt, and a green jacket.
So, shoulder length hair, but bald on the top of his head,
huh? How am I not surprised that he was caught yanking his chain in public? But
Clarendon? Bold move. For those of you that don’t know, Clarendon is the
richest part of Arlington, where somehow they’ve been able to get rid of all the
homeless people, so us rich White kids don’t have to be reminded that there’s
more to the World than being rich and White. Unfortunately, sometimes fucking
outsiders get in. Honestly I’m surprised there’s not some form of Brocial
Profiling going on in Clarendon where if you’re not wearing a pastel
Polo/Brooks Brothers shirt and brown flip flops you’re sent back over the
border to South Arlington aka Mex-ington where you fucking belong.
Since I’m obviously Rich and White and Tall, unlike this
fucking 5’7’’ tadpole, I have no fucking clue what’s going through this guy’s
mind, but I can only imagine he’s looking for a thrill? You know, the whole “staring
at girls on the Metro then running to the nearest bush” wasn’t doing it for him
anymore? Maybe he’s got some sort of sick hair fetish, but if that’s the case,
wouldn’t he be caught sifting through the salon dumpster? Don’t get me wrong there
are plenty of hot chicks roaming Clarendon Boulevard, but get some fucking tact,
bro. If you’re gonna jerk it to some girl getting her hair done, at least cut
your fucking rape-locks.
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